Rory speaks. Sweta writes. How one addict's story raises questions for reflection for any one of us.
Rory speaks at the Frequency One Festival in Rochester, MN
When you pull up to a red light and see someone holding a cardboard sign, what's the first thought that crosses your mind?
"Do they really need money? Then, why are their shoes so nice?"
"If I give them money, what will they end up spending it on?"
"They must have made some bad choices..."
"How did they let themselves get to this point?"
It's easy to think these things; we've all been there. But it's also a heavy reminder of the quick judgments we cast. I used to feel a mix of suspicion and guilt when seeing someone panhandling. I wondered about their choices, their circumstances, and their character.
Since meeting Rory—who spent years in and out of homelessness on the streets of Minneapolis and Rochester—my perspective has changed. Now, one of my first thoughts is, "I wonder what this person has survived." I think about the resilience it must take to stand there, exposed to the judgmental gaze of passing drivers, reduced to a point they never imagined they'd be, asking for help from strangers.
Rory openly acknowledges that some people may be begging for change for their next hit. But he also stresses that we can't deny the strength and perseverance it takes to survive under such circumstances. Maybe even more than many of us who pass by them everyday.
It took Rory's experiencing some success in working his way up to a foreman, and later, buying the very laundromat he would rest in on cold nights and turning it into a million-dollar business, to realize the power that's always been inside of him. Each success helped to quiet the voices in his head that screamed, "You ain't gonna be nothing but a crackhead."
I know it'll always be a lurking voice in the dark corners of his mind, but each success helped lift him a little higher, till he stood upright again, head held high with pride.
Now, when I encounter someone who doubts their abilities or feels overwhelmed by life's challenges, I take a moment to remind them of the obstacles they've already overcome. They did that.
We all need to flip our self-talk. When we're at our lowest, feeling stuck or unaccomplished, instead of fixating on our perceived failures, we should remind ourselves of the strength it took just to get out of bed and face another day.
And perhaps, we need to extend that same kindness and understanding to others. We need to suspend our judgments, tilt our heads slightly, and look at people with a different perspective. There's a story behind every face, every sign, and every plea for help. Recognizing the moments of strength in others can transform not only how we see the world but also how others see themselves.
For All of Us: The next time we feel judgment bubbling up about a person's choices, try pausing, and seeing things with a different eye. Where are there signs of strength? Perseverance? Courage? What role can you play in helping them to use this power that's inside of them for good?
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